Funny Like Tinker Getting Attacked by Stuffed Polar Bear

My boy Mike Doe's been making funnies again. He's raising some hell so you might want to read him before he gets hauled off (again!) to county jail.

Brunch in East Village, Rock in West Village
Meatapalooza, or The 7 Day Carnivore Diet, Day 1
Meatapalooza, or The 7 Day Carnivore Diet, Day 3
An Anti-"Celebrity" Manifesto, Part 1
The Simpsons Movie...Less than 72 Hours to Go!

Vodka + Model Chicks = Lots of Bar- and/or Catfights

Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of models. They are good for business and good for keeping old Dalton happy, if you know what I mean. Although Wade Garrett was just obsessed with models, especially the ones in the hot wheeler magazines. Anyway, but I digress.

However, I am less crazy about skinny models drinking vodka, a new trend reported on by Mike Doe. Put skinny models together with vodka and you get nothing but trouble. Lots of barfights, catfights, throwing up and dudes just generally being rowdy and dudettes generally being really really drink, albeit skinny.

Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Long Lost Friend Stops by the Double Deuce

Naturally, when a friend disappears, or seems to, I assume that Brade Wesley, that evil, evil man, is responsible for the disappearance. At the very least, it's only natural to assume my missing friend has had his throat ripped out.

Luckily, for once, this is not the case. My longtime buddy Mike Doe is back...and he appears unscathed! Apparently he'd faced down some trials and tribulations, although Brad Wesley was not responsible for any of them...at least not directly.

Welcome back, Mike Doe...your money's no good at the Double Deuce!

Dalton Likes His Coffee "Leaded"

When you're working at a bar, this can mean a lot of late nights. That means that coffee can come in handy, but only "leaded." Otherwise you're just kidding yourself.

No One Ever Wins a Fight...Except Me

Street fights are bad news. They mess up your hair and often lead to knife wounds. And, let's face it, not everyone carries their own sewing needle and thread with them at all times, not to mention their medical records. Even South Philly Phil would have to agree with me on that.

Rocky Balboa...a Good Fighter and Hair Spray User

I wanted to acknowledge the great pugilistic contributions of Rocky Balboa. My friend South Philly Phil's been paying tribute to the man. Rocky's truly one of the greats and, in my mind, is the Dalton of professional boxing.

Wade Garrett...A True Friend

True friends are made not born. Wade Garrett was a great man. He could beat up fools all night, then take care of 2-5 of his lady friends...and then finish up the night with some morning philosophizing at the local diner...with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other the whole time.

Wade Garrett, you were the man. I miss you, my friend!

A Recent Photo of Yours Truly, Dalton

This is I, Dalton, last week at the Double Deuce.

I Am Dalton, from Road House

Yes, it is true. I realize from my connections to the World Wide Web that numerous people have been speculating about my next move. It has been awhile since my exploits were chronicled in the motion picture, Road House.

Well, here I am, on the screen of your computer monitor.

I am Dalton.

Dalton lives.